It’s coming up on a year. How the time flies. You were just here. I can still feel you by my side. When I look at pictures, I can feel your presence. The way you move. The familiar way you move your hands. The stupid way you run. The way your face moves from each emotion. I can still see it, feel it. You are right here. How are you actually gone? They aren’t even whispers of you, they are shouts. They are you yelling in my face, saying I am right here.
I can feel you in the songs I hear. The faces I meet, the people I talk to. The personalities like you, the voices like you. The hands like you. I feel you.
I am living my life. Living for you. It’s our senior year, we have to live it up. You are experiencing the Cactus with me, as I hear “Me Too” by Meghan Trainor blaring. As I listen to Zac Brown Band play “Colder Weather.” As I get “I Fink Your Fweeky” by Die Antwoord stuck in my head at the oddest moments. As I listen to “Malibu”, and decide that Miley is Ryane reincarnated somehow even though that doesn’t make sense. Always speaking through music, just as you always have.
I can see you in everything I do. Thinking, you would be over there doing that or doing this. Labor day family get together in Hoopeston, I could see you. Trash talking on the volleyball courts with your Russian accent. Forcing me and Monica to take shots. Cuddling up with one or both of us as the night ends, because there are never enough beds. Getting tangled up in twister with us. Getting a goofy Corn Jerker sweater, because you know you will wear it. Going swimming in the freezing pool, because nothing can keep you from the water. Talking with everyone. Loving on everyone. So many moments that I feel happen. Maybe in a different realm, you are. You are right there. Doing all these things. I feel you, notice you. And I love you.